Mark Simmons Ship Joke :
A witty quip about sailing has earned Mark Simmons the coveted title of Funniest Joke of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. The comedian, who began his stand-up journey after a friend’s nudge, triumphed over stiff competition to claim the top spot. His winning joke, “I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it,” captured the public’s imagination and secured him the prestigious award.
A joke from Simmons’ free Fringe show at the Liquid Room Annexe made it into an anonymous shortlist of 15 one-liners. The shortlist was then presented to 2,000 members of the public.
An impressive forty percent of those surveyed voted his joke as their absolute favorite, securing Simmons a spot alongside comedy heavyweights like Tim Vine, Stewart Francis, and Zoe Lyons as a past winner of this 15-year-old award.
Simmons, a comedy veteran who first graced the Edinburgh Fringe stage in 2014, has finally clinched the top spot after previous finishes of ninth, sixth, and second. The comedian expressed his delight at winning, finding the victory particularly sweet after being unexpectedly fired from his exam-marking job. “I always gave 110%,” he joked, baffled by his dismissal.
Simmons’ winning joke wasn’t his only standout. The comedian also earned a spot on the shortlist with his Olympic-themed punchline: “I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton. Well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it.” The shortlist was compiled by a panel of critics who sat through hundreds of fringe shows in August.
Chelsea Birkby also made a splash with her sharp Wetherspoons observation. “British etiquette is a minefield,” she quipped. “Appreciating art nudity is high culture, but flashing your kit in Spoons is a lowbrow crime? Makes no sense.”
Sophie Duker’s political punchline about Keir Starmer resembling an AI-generated substitute teacher also stood out. And veteran comic Arthur Smith offered a classic example of comic timing with his simple yet effective driving test joke.
Simmons, whose show ‘More Jokes’ runs until Saturday at the Liquid Rooms Annexe, is among the comedians featured in this year’s top 15 jokes, as selected by U&Dave.
Top 10 jokes:
- I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton. Well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it. Mark Simmons
- I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship, but I bottled it. Mark Simmons
- I’ve been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don’t feel like I’m progressing. It’s just one step forward, two steps back. Alec Snook
- Ate horse at a restaurant once – wasn’t great. Starter was all right, but the mane was dreadful. Alex Kitson
- I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it. Arthur Smith
- My dad used to say to me: “Pints, gallons, litres” – which, I think, speaks volumes. Olaf Falafel
- British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons? Chelsea Birkby
- I’m an extremely emotionally needy non-binary person. My pronouns are “there, there”. Sarah Keyworth
- My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had. Zoë Coombs Marr
- Keir Starmer looks like an AI-generated image of a substitute teacher. Sophie Duker
